Mother's Day - I Love You Mom

It has been 23 years now since you've been gone. 23 Mother's Days have come and gone and I can not honestly say that it hurts any less not having you here. I'm 39 now and when I think of you my heart still feels 16 years old. Perhaps in that respect I will never grow up. Sometimes I feel that it is a wound that will forever bleed.

It took me 14 years to talk to your Grandaughter about you. It is still so hard to talk about you without tears welling from my eyes. For a few hours today I forgot that it was Mother's Day. Dad and I went to "Display Day" at Whiteman Airport and displayed the airplane. On the way home from the airport the traffic was heavier than usual. I pulled over for gas and saw families dressed nice going to and coming from Mothers' and Grandmothers' homes. I realized what day it was. It came to me, not like hitting a brick wall but more like a slow dark heavy wave engulfing me with a torrent of emotions. The emotions of watching you live with cancer for 12 years, knowing at 7 years old that you were going to die from it, losing you at 16 and basically growing up without you, are sometimes so much to bare.

I wish so badly that your Grandchildren could have know you, not through photos but, by your warm, gentle, compationate spirit that can't be found in the photos around the house. I hope that one day I can impart to my children the wonderful Mother you were and the Grandmother you would have been. Mom, Dad has made a wonderful Grandpa and the kids love him very much.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you and I miss you so much.